THIS LETTER WITH SENT TO ME BY A SISTER SURVIVOR
This letter is written on behalf of the many women who suffer the wrath of Domestic Violence in silence while being married to men in positions of "Authority".
I was compelled to write this letter after sharing my dirty little secret with a neighbor. Asking her to call for help if she heard me or my child screaming. She replied "I too am married to a man of position in the City as you know and unfortunately nobody knows I that am going through the same situation.....".
When a police officer, fire fighter, or military person gets hurt or dies the union, city, and peers rally together as they should. We are told that we (the families) will be forever in there care should the need arise.
But what happens when Domestic Violence occurs in one of our families? I can first hand from experience tell you not much. As a matter of fact the amount of fear one has reporting to the police is probably more terrifying than a blow to the head from your abuser.
My spouse has been mentally, physically, and economically abusive to myself, my son, as well as one of his own children for several years. Over the years he has gotten away with drunk driving, speeding while drunk, and assaulting me. I called the police to my house twice and the very first time my husband knew I called the cops so he ran upstairs and put his uniform tee shirt on making the police know when they arrived that "he's one of us". After pleading with Cop #1 to remove my husband from the home because he is threatening me and hit me. I hear my husband and Cop #2 upstairs laughing. I knew then that " I can't fight him" " He has too much protection!" My best bet is to never call them if I can just endure the abuse.....maybe he will stop. I was a muffled voice I became smothered by his powerful brethren, and Prestigious Law Firm that only he can use in a Domestic situation or divorce. But I thought I was family? I'm in trouble and don't have as much money as he does especially after being controlled financially for years. I don't trust the police. I am powerless. I don't follow through with the PFA's because I'm AFRAID!
The next time I called the police a year later than the first incident unfortunately the same two cops come and the first thing one of the officers says to me is "You again" while he is watching my husband go into my car at the end of our driveway and dump my purse out and take my phone! The Cop told me "that's marital property". I'm lost. Again my voice is muffled. I'm ashamed. I'm angry and who is gonna help me against "the authority"!
My enough is enough was when he hit my son with intent to harm him while drunk. DHS got involved. He was indicated as a child abuser but is using his big Law Firm to fight it because once a narcissist always a narcissist. We were never to speak about what terror went on in our home. And since Dhs was involved it made the inside our my house the greatest hell on earth. Because someone believed us someone wasn't afraid of his shiny badge and white shirt. He wore his uniform in court as well as DHS meetings to intimidate and to call on favors from those who consider themselves peers. When I tried to have my husband removed from my home and have him served the police officer did serve him but failed to give me the document needed to take to our court hearing. After I specifically asked for the document he had in his hand he said I didn't need it. I know read that I needed that document of service in the PFA packet. As soon as I arrived in court the court officer asked for said document and asked me why did I not follow the instructions in the packet. I explained what the Cop said and finally we had the hearing where my husband was praised by the judge for physically disciplining a child in a place no one should be hit ever! The judge continued to scold me and my son who has not ever had even verbal confrontation his entire life. Telling my son that he is a "guest in my husbands home and if he tells you to do something do it". She told me that she hoped I wasn't trying to use this court to have this hardworking man evicted from his home. He is standing over there in court lying and taking pride in hearing this judge and his big time lawyer slaughter my sons character.
My voice is muffled. I'm powerless.
I'm no longer a member of your City family or union family because I want to fight but I'm afraid. I'm exhausted with fear!
I propose that the wives of police,fire, politicians and the like have access
to a dedicated unit for Domestic Violence where we can go and report abuse and obtain PFAs without having to deal with "one of their own" reducing fear and elevating trust and possibly preventing the worst outcomes. Our spouses have quicker access to firearms especially if they have military background such it is in my case.
I also propose that the Unions revise their policies in the event of proven Domestic Violence of the wife and children the City and
Union cover the Wives legal fees especially if she is financially unable to do so. I heard the word "conflict of interest" the conflict is that I thought I was your family until I decided to speak up and get out. The greatest conflict would be me in a shelter or death simply because I didn't have the money to fight " The Authority".
I also propose that stringent ramifications be placed upon any officer or fire fighter who is found guilty of using favoritism towards "his own" in situations such as my own. And also using his badge or uniform to sway judges and peers resulting in the victims being shamed and tossed out just because
This poor man puts his life on the line for his country and his city he couldn't be who SHE and this PFA says. Also appearing in court or personal family matters with the state in uniform.
I AM NO LONGER AFRAID TO SAY THAT I AM A VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND SO HAVE MY CHILDREN! We need help! NOW!